we go, we do and we go to the next

In the states we are programmed and encouraged to seek spaces, places and experiences that can benefit us or provide us with some sort of an outlet. Maybe we seek an outlet to showcase a specific talent or it is a group of people that open our minds or maybe it is something that guides our heart to some kind of fulfilling experience. Whatever it is or who or where it is, we are on the move.

We travel to a classroom to learn. We go to the office to do our work. The church is for praying. The soccer field is for playing. Our friends are for venting to and our families give us stories to tell. We go to a theater to see movies or shows that provide a brief escape from our daily lives. We plug ourselves into iPods or step into art galleries to embrace something beautiful, expressive and creative. We go on vacations for something new and we seek reunions to remember the past.

We go, we do and we go again. The next space, the next place, the next experience.

When I was at Seattle University, I was always on the move. I was working in three different offices, learning various skills in each and balancing it all with the goal of being well rounded and grounded to the many skills, people and places. I worked in the admissions office to better understand professionalism. I went to the orientation office to work with people concerned about the process of transitioning. Then I would travel to the campus ministry office to plan prayers, to engage in discussions or to put together large scale retreats. Add other clubs, campus events, a social life and… academics and you can see how my college experience was about involvement and the going to and coming from all of the spaces. All of that fired my passions and challenged my evolving sense of self.

I do not think that I am alone in this either nor is it a phenomenon found only at the collegiate level. We are always going somewhere to get something, to see someone or to feel some way. As a child it was soccer practice, fieldtrip permission slips, brownie making for bake sales, safety patrol, play dates and Irish dancing competitions. What’s next? Where to? Are we running late? What time does it end? How much longer until we get there? What is the purpose of this? Did you read the invitation?

It would be silly to say that this train of thought did not follow me here to Tanzania. I jumped into my first year with hopes, agendas and idealistic plans. What did I find? The spaces felt different, the places looked different and the people reacted differently. Waking up in the morning, I was out the door and heading full force into my day of lessons, classroom drama mitigation, coworkers questioning, communities discussing and navigating Tanzania and me, then me and Tanzania. I was going, going quickly, looking left and running right toward that space where I could pour out my energy, invest my love into and strive to find that fit.

Did the planets align? Did my ‘going toward’ or make-it-happen-American-attitude manifest itself in the ways that I had expected it to? Nope. Well, in some ways it did. Hard work, a lot of planning, order and structure was a success in the classroom. On the other hand, fast walking, goal setting and scheduling did not foster many deep relationships. I attribute my love for and connections with my students to be at the heart of this contrast. My methodology was successful in the classroom but not necessarily in my life outside of Loyola.

I have been blessed with some wonderful relationships here in Dar es Salaam. They did not come about through the means that I had expected to make them. So, getting back to my original point, I found that my strongest relationships formed in the spaces between my going to and from. Taking the time to stop, say yes to a conversation, meal, cold soda or seat under the shade of a great palm tree, I was embraced unexpectedly by Tanzania.

On my way to school, stopping to speak to an elder, I gained a friend. Heading home from using the internet and saying yes to eating a meal with an acquaintance, I gained a friend. Going the market and inviting someone I encountered on my walk there to join me, I gained a friend. Sharing meals with neighbors enriched those friendships and diving into conversations in Kiswahili that were too advanced humbled me but then empowered my companions to teach, share more and… mostly, something for them to giggle at.

With ten more months to go, I hope to see the beauty in the spaces in between. A breath of fresh air on my walk to school, a greeting here and a phone call there sheds light onto the little moments of peace and an authentic presence here that make sense. I expect Tanzania will continue to open my mind to these spaces. I hope that this lesson stay with me and I take it home with me. I look to home, the space there and the space between, with appreciation, excitement and anticipation while I keep living into this very different, oddly refreshing way of existence.

I do not know what is in the space between Dar es Salaam and Seattle but I keep going, I will keep doing and then I will do whatever that is, next.