Coexistance

An ant crawls across the wall, interrupting my gaze as I attempt to focus of correcting tests. I have two options, squash or look away and continuing marking exams. To squash every bug that interrupts my life here in Tanzania would be exhausting to say the least. What do I do then? I co-exist. This idea of co-existing has infiltrated my thoughts over the last several days.

I currently co-exist with many things: people, insects, sounds, smells, sights, emotions, and so on. I have come to realize, however, that I co-exist in one of two ways. I live in an existence that is either ‘next to’ or ‘with’ these individuals, bugs, etc. What is the difference? Well, I am not quite sure but there is a feeling, an emotion and/or a connection that separates the two forms of existence.

For example, I live surrounded by ants, cockroaches, rats, mosquitoes, spiders, centipedes, millipedes, praying mantises, bees, flies, chickens, roosters, fire-flies, crows, stray cats and other living things that I do not even know the names for. I pick ants out of my coffee cup and fend off roosters on my walk to school but shy away from a real interaction with or appreciation of these ‘creatures’.

I then think about Dar es Salaam, this city that I now call home. This half-Christian and half-Muslim metropolis is a fine example of this first definition of co-existence. These two faiths live next to one another, in peace BUT just that, next to the other. Muslims sell rice and beans to Christians who feed their children who then play soccer next to a mosque that sounds the call to prayer. People just exist next to one another in most respects. The Catholic lives next to the Muslim. The Muslim student goes to Loyola High School (a Catholic, Jesuit institution). The follower of Jesus sells vegetables to a restaurant owned by a follower of Muhammad. Utilizing goods, appreciating the other’s presence and seeing the ‘other’ is a form of existence. A co-existence of sorts. Allah or God, they/we/humanity co-exists.

As these five months have slowly welcomed me into this new life in East Africa, my understanding of what, who, how and why I exist here has been shaped. I struggle defining what I live next to and what I live with in terms of existence. I can say definitely that I live next to insects or bugs and that I do not live in depth or intentionally or ‘with’ them. I live in a strong, powerful and meaningful co-existence with the natural surroundings; appreciating, respecting and loving the beauty of the natural world. People, however, are much more of a challenge to figure out. Community mates, co-workers, neighbors and strangers alike, challenge me to question this dichotomy and dynamic. Do I live next to you or with you? With whom do I affect, reach, connect, join, walk with, understand and/or exist WITH?

I am a very small part of this community while this community is a very large part of me.

In my heart, I exist in this place wholly but in terms of space, I occupy such a small fraction of this community. Everyday is a lesson and each lesson draws me one step closer to understanding this question of: With what, where, with whom and how do I exist in my new life here?