An outsider welcomed

Today, a longtime friend of JVs stopped by the house and invited us over to his house. His older sister was getting married and he and his family invited us for the celebration. Our friend is Catholic and comes from a very large Catholic family but his sister was marrying a Muslim man which makes for a controversial yet exciting time for both families. While the city is about half-Christian and half-Muslim, interfaith marriages are not common. Each respective tradition lives side by side one another but does not usually marry into another faith, so this experience was out of the ordinary and wonderful at the same time.

As we walked up to the house and into the celebration we were overwhelmed with love. in upwards of one hundred people were crammed into a small space outside of the bride's parent's home. We were immediately the center of attention as three white people, wearing African-made clothes entered the scene and were funneled into a line for food. as we waited in line, I looked around only to make eye contact with every guest (as they were staring at me). An outsider.

I got my huge place of rice, meat, banana and vegetables and was escorted away from my community mates and over the the 'men's section' of the party. Men and women eat and celebrate in different locations. So, I sat down on a mat under the warm sun and began to eat as a men from both sides of the wedding party looked at me with excitement and confusion. As I looked in the direction of the 'woman's section;, I saw my community mates sandwiched between mothers and babies and grandmas and sisters dancing, eating and chanting in a fit of pride!

As I sat there, eating, I realized how unique this experience was. At that time, the bride's father asked the groom's father to share in a dance, a custom that was both shocking and beautiful at the same time. this wedding had not father daughter dance, no cake or champagne, no classic oldies songs with children and elders sharing in a dance, no white dresses or black tuxes.

Instead, I looked onto a crowd of smiling faces wearing brightly colored clothes, sharing in dances, feeding one another and celebrating the joining of two young people. There was no specific 'faith or religion' present but rather just a party. A party with friends and family. A party to show love, join in love and continue in love. I then realized that no one was staring at me anymore. The scene was not about me. it was about love and in some strange way, some foreign way, some unexpected way, I was welcomed into that love.

The gathering escalated as the bride exited her parent's home wearing a beautiful golden gown, veiled and glowing under the warm sun. She was surrounded by her family, her parent's family. They were crying with her, pulling her and begging her to stay. To stay with them. On the other end of the yard, the new family, her husband's family was chanting, smiling and inviting her to join them. This tug-of-bride when on for about a half hour. Music blaring, tears flowing, smiles flashing. It was emotional, even as an 'outsider'.

The bride finally said goodbye to her family and started on a slow procession to a car that would take the bride and her groom away.

The music was so loud. The colors were so intense. The tears were real. The laughs were genuine. The people were present. The love was apparent. The wedding was there, real, honest and pure.

As the car drove away, the husband's family disbursed and the bride's family remained. As we got ready to leave, the bride's father pointed at me and encouraged me to dance with him. Of course I started dancing. I danced and my community joined. Then the whole family join. The dancing was incredible. The music was catchy and we, the Dares Salaam Community, looked GOOD. Really good.

We stayed for a while, mingled with the extended family, played with kids, shared in a few drinks and shared in the after-party. I felt truly welcomed. We were appreciated. We were a part of the whole celebration. We were no longer 'stared at' but instead 'looked on upon' with acceptance, pride and friendship.

Today was a day of love. It was about sharing in the love between two young people, between two traditions and between many friends.

We, the outsiders, were welcomed in. Welcome, Karibu. Karibu Tanzania. Karibu, upendo. Welcome, love.