Time for love or love IS time?

In reflecting on how I spend time, embrace time and live into the moments of my day, I am realized that my perception of time is changing here in Tanzania.

I have been in Tanzania for two and a half months, the longest I have ever been away form home. Time. 

In thinking about the ways in which I spend my days, it sounds simple. I wake up at 6:30am. I got to school. I teach 4-6 lessons a day. I go home and maybe cook a meal from scratch, do my laundry by hand or go for a jog. I work on a lesson plan or two. Then I go to bed and do the same the next day. Time.

Weekends may include a trip into town, a meal with a neighbor or planning out lessons for school. Then on Sundays, we go to a two hour mass in Kiswahili and the hot African heat. Time.

It sounds simple and it is. It is also draining, overwhelming and daunting at times.

Days, weeks and now months have gone by and I already find myself relying less on schedules, goal oriented tasks and checklists. This is not to say that I do not still have goals or dreams for myself and this experience. In fact, my dreams grow and challenge me in good ways everyday. I dream about knowing Kiswahili, about my student’s success, about life at home, about life changing me here, about seeing God in new places, about establishing a new network of friends, Tanzanian and volunteer alike, about seeing love in a new way, about everything and nothing. I dream about time changing me and encouraging me to grow.

I have also found myself thinking about time and my use of it in relation to others. Time, and thinking of it as ‘mine’ has been a topic of internal discussion over the past week. Saying things like: “a waste of time”, “your use of my class time”, “time is of the essence”, “it is time to focus”, “how long will it take”, has made me realize that I do not respect of give enough credit to time and presence and the experience in front of me.

Time is so much more than a schedule, checklist or string of events that fulfill goals.

Right now, time is all about the process. The time it takes to make tortillas from scratch. The time it takes to listen to a student complaining about another student stealing his or her pen. The time it takes to plan a lesson on how to explain values such as: respect, diligence, relationship and charity to students who know very little English. The time it takes to learn simple Kiswahili sayings. The time it is taking to write this reflection ON time. The times I have wanted to write but have been unable to because of blackouts. The time, the time, the time. Time is such a mysterious construct and part of life!

Can I control any of this time business? Can time be tamed? Is my time being spent worthwhile? What would my life look like if I took an inventory of the time I used or spent doing something new, unexpected or out of my control?

Today I taught a class called Current News. It is one period a week for each of the sections of pre-form one (HDP) that I teach. We basically do mock news broadcasts with stories that change each week. This week’s topics were Sports and Entertainment. The students loved it. I heard stories ranging from Manchester United football (soccer) to the musical genius that is Celine Deon. (Also, several students prepared songs that they sang to the class. They honored the music of boybands, High School Musical, early 90’s hip/hop and other classics). So many students wanted to share that there was a long waiting list of students sitting (impatiently) for the chance to present. With about eight students still to go, the bell rang and class was over. I asked the class if they enjoyed the lesson and with an overwhelming response they yelled: Yeeessss Mr Paaaatttrrriiiiccckkkk. And then a student from the back of class asked if we could stay and do more! It was time for Tea Break (my favorite time of day consisting of tea, coffee and a snack at 10am). Stay during ‘my time’? Miss tea break? Despite the intense internal struggle and love for tea break, I decided to stay and we finished the rest of the presentations. Their smiles and cheers instantly validated my decision. Time well spent. Time that made a difference. Time that meant a lot to me and those students of HDP C.

Later that day, this reflection on time was continued. I received a slip from one of the Jesuits instructing me to go to the post office because a package had arrived. When you receive a package of a certain size or weight (four or more pounds), you must go to customs and collect the package. Now, the office is only open during weekdays until five and it is in the heart of the city center. So, on Friday, I left school early, grabbed my passport, my wallet and a water bottle and then headed into the city. We live in Mabibo, a neighborhood about ten kilometers outside of the downtown area. I hopped on a dalla dalla (city bus) and headed into town. I waited in a few lines, paid the customs fees, claimed my package and then hoped on another bus headed home. All in all, two busses, two long walks and three and a half hours later, I walked into our house and opened a package from my family full of candy, peanut butter, macaroni and cheese and some other treats. My exhausted, excited smiles was that of accomplishment for having made it to and from town and that of receiving a package of love from home. But the time. Thinking about time it took to prepare the package, the month that it took to travel here and the three and a half hours it took me to retrieve it.

Time is about the process as much as it is about the result. 

I am learning this more and more each day. I am learning to be more patient with myself, my students and my new life here. I am learning to appreciate how long that which seems simple really takes to effect or affect us. I am learning to look at time more carefully, to think about time more respectfully and to appreciate time more genuinely.

How are YOU spending or using your time today?